John Madden would roll over in his grave, were he actually dead.

Madden Nation of espn2 is the greatest D-bag show of all time. If you have not some how seen this pearl of a program I highly suggest that you find a way to view it. Check your local tv schedule, DVR it, itune it, or write to mtv if you must. Now, It's been a long standing tradition for dudes my age to not only play sports related video games but to talk shit to each other while we do so. Sure its a testosterone driven fantasy, but I stand by it. I'm not proud of the verbal abuse I have given and taken while playing xbox but I'll at the very least admit that it happens. Sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night with the cold sweats at the thought that there may be a tape of me playing NHL09 somewhere on the internet. Hiding. Waiting to be discovered. I hope there is no Christopher Columbus of the internet. I feel the pain of every father blessed with a teenage daughter. I guess what i'm saying is that it would be a pretty embarrassing. However they say that every man has a dream. For some non high school graduates it is to travel the country on a plush tour bus and compete in games of Madden09 for the chance to play in front of 20's of people in Times Square for the chance at 100 thousand dollars. And all the while have their lives documented and shown in 30 minute weekly segments on the family's favorite younger son, espn2. Not to get off of my point, but where else can you go for such stimulating programs as 'NASCAR now', 'The World Series of Poker', the aforementioned Madden Nation and the always informative reruns of PTI and around the Horn for when you're in the mood to watch two old men yell at eachother, or Tony 'Statboy' Reali do his best Christopher Reeve, while controlling the fates of 4 'esteemed sports writers like Jackie MacMullen and Israel Guttierez. I shit you not, that just said 'esteemed sports writers. Anyway, the contestants from madden nation were plucked from all of the nation. One gamer hails from NoPussy, Alabama while yet another is from Igotcutfromthebaseballteam, Iowa. Their names range from Ricky Quick Sticks, to CornStar, to a smooth talking white brotha who goes by the ever clever moniker "Dynasty"from our own Philadelphia. Here I am wrapped up in the drudges of this postponed world series and i am taking solace in a man who would have you believe that he is the most underrated athlete in Philadelphia History. The world has been stacked against Dynasty since he first stepped onto the Madden Bus. Within the first few hours of this wonderful journey the other contestants each came to the same stunning realization. Dynasty is ultra corny. Come with you as I paint you the picture of man earning more television time than me. I guarantee you have seen him at the mall before. Not Dynasty personally, but the same kid. The one who Decided one day in the 10th grade that dressing with that 'just don't give a fuck" attitude would piss his parents off, provide people like me with endless enjoyment, and also maybe one day it would collar him a thick girl. The contestants on this show are required to wear a pro football teams jersey, but i can assure you that even if it was not mandatory, Dynasty would be rockin' his own ever fresh line up of throwbacks. He would wear and OJ Jersey and say things like "this game is mine. i'm dressed to kill, baby!" He would want you to notice his hat, tilted perfectly at a 30 degree angle, just enough to show off his Caesar haircut that went out in 99 in every hood but his. The hat is ridiculous. It's at least a size and a half too small. It's the Yarmulke with a brim. Stickers in tact of course because what if someone didn't know you were a poser. At least his mustache is awesome. It's not bushy, and its not paper thin which are the only two acceptable form s of a mustache. Not to mention you shouldn't have a mustache unless you're over 40 or you're Burt Reynolds. Dynasty however, has never been one follow the rules. So there he sits with a a stache that looks like his friends punked him because he passed out early at the party. The other fella's on the bus, homers that they are, all seem to be from a deeper end of the proverbial gene pool. They have all challenged Dynasty of the past few weeks, and he has knocked the off one by one. He IS thug life yo. Move over Pac, Dynasty is on the scene. Through all of the nail biting elimination games dynasty has somehow found ways to win, pounding his chest all the while and proving that he reads and speaks at a 4th grade level. You will never want to hear the words "Let's Go" together or separate ever again. Dynasty has made his way into the Championship game which is currently airing on espn2. I hope its on all week. This city needs a winner. I saw the finale tonight, but i won't tell you who wins. Not because i'd feel like I'm spoiling it for you, but because I don't know the outcome. There was a pretty good Family Guy on instead.