Dear C. Borzelleca,
You have asked me to compile a list of the one hundred things that I love about hockey. I will give you fifty - and you will like it. If you're not Craig Borzelleca this may not interest you much. Your choice.
In no particular order here are 50 of my favorite things about hockey.
1) The Skatium. It has a smell that only a hockey player can appreciate. It smells like hard work.
2) Top shelf water bottle damage from the impossible angle.
3) Nike gloves, and Nike skates.
4) Bob Probert.
5) Organ music.
6) The only 3 cool people to ever come out of Russia. Ilya Kovulchuk, Alexander 'AO' Ovechkin, and Sergei Berezen. (Al Farr knows what im talking about.)
7) Mike Greir, Jarome Iginla, Donald Brashear, George Laraque, Jamaal Mayers and Anson Carter. What if they were all on the same team? They'd have some things in common. They would never run out of things to talk about.
8) Ringing one off the post. (Also on my list of least favorite things.)
9) I bet there's nothing better than cranking a slapper off of Jim Steinberg's dome, only to see the mask of his helmet fall off because you seared the screws in half. Fucker told me I should get him a new helmet.
10) Pond Hockey. Nothing beats an outdoor game.
11) Colby Cohen.
12) Zamboni's, and the fine men who drive them for a living. It's a passion, unquenched.
13) Gene Hart
14) Lauren Hart
15) Jim Jackson, and Coatsey.
16) Jagr doesn't play in the NHL anymore. Stay in the Czech Repub. Dasha lives over here now anyway.
17) V- Form skates.
18) Pro Beach Hockey, featuring the Wayne Gretzky of Roller Hockey - CJ Yoder, whom I have played against and won a game against.
19) Penn State Ice Hockey. Probably the most eclectic group of dudes ever put in one room with a penchant for physical play and drinking problems to boot. You should play on a line with Eamon Coyne someday. Kid knows how to work and has played against Joe Juneau.
20) Archbishop Carroll Ice Hockey, circa 1996-2000. We won a few games.
21) Penalty shots. (Glove throwing optional.)
22) HockeyMonkey.com will make you a pair of RBK Gloves in blue and white with the finnish flag sewn into the cuff for cheap. Beat it.
23) The Villanova Venom, Rough Riders, 4f club, 89'ers, White Owls, Red Team, and blue.
24) Lindros.
25) The crazy 8's line. Look it up if you don't remember it.
26) Making Gretzky bleed in nhl 94.
27) The time his name was spelled wrong on his jersey. It read GRETZYK.
28) Inside outing some chump and beating the goaltender five hole because he thinks you're going flashy.
29) Frank Ippolito.
30) Drinking forties with Craigy B, before pick up games.
31) Easton Bubble Shafts. One piece sticks are for the birds.
32) Hat tricks. 4 point games.
33) Cam Neely. "You guys want to kick my dog while you're here?"
34) The perfect tape job.
35) Palmer quitting 20 minutes into a try out. Palmer subsequently quitting on the Flyers and becoming a thrashers fan. Yikes.
36) Captaining.
37) Craig B's precision passing and superior slow motion skills.
38) NHL 09. (Pelican's Lahti, yo.)
39) Winning. It's everything. The fact that a tie is even an option is ridiculous.
40) Forehand, backhand, top shelf, put the saber away.
41) The Viking.
42) Al Farr, Sami-k, C. Borzelleca, Steve Keenan, and John Laurie. OG's.
43) Bill Parras. Best Goalie I ever seen, with a knack for getting wild. Once drank two rum and cokes at a bar and brought a six pack onto the bench (for a 'Professional' team) during a game because he was the backup that night. Simon's gave up 10 goals and Parras played the 3rd blacked out and didn't give up a goal. A referee once asked him if he was on coke because he was all over the place. Stands on his head. Likes funny stuff like changing goal tenders on the fly, during a 'pro' game. I seen it.
44) Three Bar. The most fun you can have without a goalie present.
45) Fighting. It's all about what you're willing to do for your team.
46) The Philadelphia Bulldogs.
47) Mole man.
48) Employee manager games. Some of the greatest beat downs ever handed down.
49) Two on One's. Tic tac toe or the give and go fuck yourself.
50) The Stanley Cup. There is no greater prize in all of sports. You can drink beer out of it. It sells itself.
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