And the award for softest boner ever goes to...

Me. I'm sure that every dude in these great states was a nominee but no one took this more personally than I did. What was Jessica Biel thinking? If you're not a serious actress, but you get invited to the Oscars as a presenter, at least make it worth my while. Being classy only gets you so far, trust me I know. I'd rather roll around in barbed wire and hug Magic Johnson than see Jessica Biel like this.